Telling times

So I started this blog months ago to talk and write about fashion but havnt kept it up and have no followers etc so feel can vent here without family friends seeing and without upsetting them Unfortunately this post isn't about fashion - how I wish it was.

My dad has been poorly for a few months and has been diagnosed with pancreas cancer last Thursday with no cure.
My dad is 53, a wonderful man, father and grandfather who has worked hard all his life and has been a loving husband to my amazing mum for thirty years. Apart from the awful bastard that is cancer he was fit and healthy. He is still working now even after losing 20 pounds- and in such bad pain he was hospitalised for two weeks fed on morphine and other drugs to help the pain which the pain drugs seem to have controlled somewhat or he is good at covering his pain - it I feel it's a bit of both.
We had been told it was 99.9 per cancer a few weeks ago so getting the final news wasn't a shock although the hope we all felt and prayed for I feel hadn't been in vain- without hope what is there. He has been told two years at best but a few months more likely

My brother and his fiancée are now getting married in December and him and mum are going away for the weekend in two weeks. Visiting him Is hard- I feel so scared and sick before hand - how will he look - he looks so poorly after only a few weeks?, will he be ok emotionally - will I be ok emotionally? . We have all carried on as normal as possible in front of him, talking about the cancer briefly and as if we are talking about a cold, thankfully we have a four year old son who keeps things both entertaining and again that word - normal.
The worst feeling is somehow knowing it won't be long and I have an awful sinking feeling dad thinks this too.
People tell me he might be ok, the chemo might shrink it to nothing, there may be a miracle but that doesn't help and I know to anyone not going through this won't understand this and I can't quite explain why it doesn't- but all I can say is I pray every day for a miracle but I know deep down the worst is pretty much inevitable I knew it was cancer even when a consultant stated she didn't think it was cancer many weeks ago and I feel I need to prepare myself.
Pancreas cancer doesn't have good survival rates, in fact is has hardly any survivors. Friends have said they are worried about how strong I'm being and I guess on the surface I am, I'm not very good at showing my emotion anyway I'm much better at talking too people about their problems and helping them while giving cuddles and tea, but if dad can get up and go to work and carry on to help towards supporting mum for her future financially while he can in case of the worst then so can I - if I'm honest I have bad days and good days, bad hours and good hours, my every thought is consumed by my dad and if i do forget for a mili second something will bring it back to me like a slap in the face, Yes I'm being strong but I'm also hanging on by a thread.

I just can't comprehend how life can change so drastically in a few months'? Everywhere I see now has cancer on it - adverts shops papers it's all been there before I know, I'm not naive to it It is all just so unfair, I don't want to be 27 without my big strong dad, I don't want Harry to not have a grandad. I see the pain and the terrified look behind mums smile and I feel so scared for her- its horrendous for me and my brother but this is her husband the man she has been with since she was 16?im scared for for us all and most of all for dad - what must he be going through.
Mum said to me yesterday what she cant get out of her head is of him looking scared before it happens and in pain,I reassured her he wouldn't, that in what I have read and been told he will be at peace by this point.

The thing with cancer is you go through the pain with the sufferer - you lose weight, you change emotionally, and you feel such emotional pain sometimes you can't breathe - it eats up everyone affected. I just keep on going preparing for the worst and wishing ,praying,hoping for the best xxxxx

Glitter fever...

The first product I shall talk about is a new nail varnish I have bought. I was looking for a full on glitter polish for my bday meal next week as every birthday girl deserves full on glitter ( even at ahem 27 eek ) and found a great affordable one in miss sporty 'sparkle touch' that only cost £1.99, now I know the packaging may not be dresser worthy and admittedly it did take 5-6 coats to get the desired affect although these did dry very quickly but I am really pleased with the finished look and i am also going to try it layered over a nude varnish and play about with different colours under this as I think you could achieve some really pretty finishes. It is finished with Barry M top coat.

Xxx

A question of style

STYLE V FASHION

Style to me is timeless where as fashion changes with the season, think of Audrey Hepburn... now imagine seeing her walking down the street in 2012,  you would look at her as a chic stylish women many of us aspire to be more like, now think of Madonna mid 80's - the hair, the lace the heavy make up, you get my drift! Now seeing her walking down that same street you would think she was on a hen night in Blackpool -at best! But at the time she was the epitome of cool, girls wanted to be her men wanted to sleep with her. This is why investing in excellent quality staples - bags,shoes and coats that may cost more initially, but if they last a lifetime in the sense of quality and style stakes they pay for themselves.......which is why I need a Chanel bag in my life ...sigh!, the high street offers so many well made fashionable pieces at affordable prices that you can have the best of both worlds more than ever before.

xxxx

The blogging addiction starts......

One of my earliest memories of childhood is of me being dragged to school non uniform day crying to my mum that I did not want to wear the clothes she had dressed me in and from what I recall it was a spotty skirt and stripy top, although saying this I am slightly embarrassed to say I did ask for months repeatedly to have a shell suit (this was the 80's/90's) I can be forgiven surely? I did end up buying one out of my birthday money- this was a happy day as I walked around proud in my pink and blue scratchy hot two piece. Fast forward 20 something years and I like to think my style has evolved somewhat since the shell suit days although the feeling never changes, that feeling of need and want and of buying that item that you have lusted after for months or the buzz of an impulse buy that you tell yourself you need and ignore the rational side of the brain or as I like to call it-my husband. My plans for this blog is to tell you about my new business plans. I have been buying and selling vintage and retro clothes and jewellery for six months but have plans of a website and maybe going in a slightly different direction and also to show outfits of the day, hauls and general chit chat about the fashion world.I really hope you enjoy and a follow would be great too. Oh and just a little shout-out to a blogger FashionTeller17 who's blog's have inspired me to finally get mine up and running.

Just quickly before I go, here's a bit of background info on moi..
I am married to a Scotsman and we have a handsome 3 year old who's birth name is Harry but quite often named Damien in our house....
Wine has to be Red, Tea has to be strong and the volume digits have to be on an even number.

xxx